nepali jokes and sms in nepali language
एक जना मान्छे हस्पिटलमा गएर डाक्टरसँग:
मान्छे: ५ किलो आलु दिनुस न।
डाक्टर:यहाँ आलु पाईदैन।
मान्छे:३ किलो मात्र भए पनि दिनुस न त:
डाक्टर:यहाँ आलु सालु पाईदैन भनेको..
त्यसपछि त्यो मान्छे त्यहाबाट गयो र एक अर्का मान्छे
आइपुग्यो र सोध्यो..
के भयो ...तपाई रिसाएको जस्तो देखिनुहुन्छ नि?
डाक्टर:मान्छे देखाउदै..त्यो मान्छे यहाँ मलाई आलु
मागेर हैरान नै गर्यो भन्या..?
दोस्रो मान्छे रिसाउदै: त्यसलाई त्यति नि थाहा छैन।
झन यहाँबाट प्याज लिएर आईज भनेर पठाको त।
एक भुगोलको शिक्षक अफ्नो क्लासमा अमेरिकाको बारेमा पढाउने वाला थियो।उसले पहिले एक ग्लोब लिएर आयो र
रामलाई बोलायो र ग्लोबमा अमेरिका दिखादन भन्यो।रामले ग्लोबमा अमेरिका पत्ता लगायो।
फेरि क्लासलाई आगडि बढाउन शिक्षकने सोघ्यो।
अमेरिका किसलाई कसले पत्ता लगाएको हो?
सबैले एकै स्वरमा भने:सर रामले
राम र श्याम कारमा जादै थिए।रामलाई आफ्नो कारको साइडलाईटले काम
नगरेको जस्तो लाग्यो।
रामले श्यामलाई कारको साइडलाईटले काम गरे नगरेको हेर्न भन्यो।
श्यामले झ्यालबाट बाहिर हेर्यो र भन्यो।
गरेको छ..गरेको छैन...गरेको छ..गरेको छैन...गरेको छ..गरेको छैन...
बाबु छोरासंग: जब म तिमीलाई कुटछु तब तिमी आफ्नो रिसलाई कसरी
काबुमा राख्न के गर्छौ?
छोरा:म टाव्ईलेट सफा गर्छु।
बाबु:यसले कसरी रिस शान्त हुन्छ त।
छोरा:म तपाईको दाँत माझ्ने बुरुसले सफा गर्छु नि त।
स्कुलको पहिलो दिन एक शिक्षकले आफ्नो बिद्यार्थीहरुलाई भनेछन्।
शिक्षक:तिमिहरुमध्ये को को आफुलाई मुर्ख सम्झन्छौ उठ
सबै बसिसहे तर राम उठे यो देखेर शिक्षकले रामलाई सोध्यो
शिक्षक:के तिमि आफु लाई मुर्ख ठान्छौ?
राम :होइन होइन सर,तपाई मात्र उठेको राम्रो लागेन त्यसैले उठेको।
FOR MORE CILCK ME
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
one liner jokes
I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others
He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
Your mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket
He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
Your mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
FUNNY QUESTION AND ANSWER
What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted candy?
He probably had a bad hare day.
--------------------------------------------------------
How does a rabbit make gold soup?
He begins with 24 carrots.
--------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
Because when he tried to make a second one he made a boo-boo.
--------------------------------------------------------
What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Give him a tight jersey.
--------------------------------------------------------
Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor
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Tuesday, February 3, 2009
HAPPY VALENTINE -2009
Dear sweetheart
I will luv u like this forever. Hope you do the same. Lets believe in
god and wait for the right time to come.
You don't know how you make me feel each time I see you online or
offline. I wait for only you all day. You are always in my mind and
heart. I feel your presence with me though we are too far away from
each other. We came so close to each other in such a short time, I
truly think we must have known each other in another lifetime. You have
shared your soul to me & I have shared mine with you. While writing
this I have so much emotions inside me that I feel like crying because
I miss you so much. I feel so happy and complete even in our silences.
I feel I am connected to you through my soul. Your caring attitude,
thoughtfulness & sweet personality has captured my heart and for that I
am so grateful to you. All I know is wherever life takes us I hope
you'll always know how much I thank Babaji for bringing you into my
life:)
Hugz forever
To the one that got away
Happy valentines day! I wish things had turned out different and you
had realized giving me a second chance. I can't just turn my feelings
off. I will always remember the good times we had over the year,
especially the trip to Florida. I'm sorry I had issues, and didn't
handle my surgery and rehab well. I realized now that you were trying
to be there for me.
To my sweetest darling
Thanks for making my life so beautiful and colorful!!
Always remember I Love U the Most!
Only your's I've realized I need to become more like I was 5-10 years ago. When you
left I remember thinking "Why didn't she say she wants to get back with
me?" realizing that now, I flip it over and think, "Why didn't I say I
want to get back with Corinne". That is why I say I'm sorry. I've
realized I can love, and be loved.
I'll remember you forever.
May all the lovers across the world get the love of their life. Happy
Valentine's Day to all!! Cheers
I will luv u like this forever. Hope you do the same. Lets believe in
god and wait for the right time to come.
You don't know how you make me feel each time I see you online or
offline. I wait for only you all day. You are always in my mind and
heart. I feel your presence with me though we are too far away from
each other. We came so close to each other in such a short time, I
truly think we must have known each other in another lifetime. You have
shared your soul to me & I have shared mine with you. While writing
this I have so much emotions inside me that I feel like crying because
I miss you so much. I feel so happy and complete even in our silences.
I feel I am connected to you through my soul. Your caring attitude,
thoughtfulness & sweet personality has captured my heart and for that I
am so grateful to you. All I know is wherever life takes us I hope
you'll always know how much I thank Babaji for bringing you into my
life:)
Hugz forever
To the one that got away
Happy valentines day! I wish things had turned out different and you
had realized giving me a second chance. I can't just turn my feelings
off. I will always remember the good times we had over the year,
especially the trip to Florida. I'm sorry I had issues, and didn't
handle my surgery and rehab well. I realized now that you were trying
to be there for me.
To my sweetest darling
Thanks for making my life so beautiful and colorful!!
Always remember I Love U the Most!
Only your's I've realized I need to become more like I was 5-10 years ago. When you
left I remember thinking "Why didn't she say she wants to get back with
me?" realizing that now, I flip it over and think, "Why didn't I say I
want to get back with Corinne". That is why I say I'm sorry. I've
realized I can love, and be loved.
I'll remember you forever.
May all the lovers across the world get the love of their life. Happy
Valentine's Day to all!! Cheers
Sunday, February 1, 2009
FUNNY MONKEY JOKES ( ANIMAL JOKES)
Funny Monkeys Joke #1:
A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family...
"Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.
All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked...
"Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the vet.
"The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!”
Funny Monkeys Joke #2:
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper...
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed to the customer, saying...
"That'll be $5,000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said...
"That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "Hey, that one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper...
"That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a project manager".
Funny Monkeys Joke #3:
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said...
"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Funny Monkeys Joke #4:
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved to by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar...
"Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Funny Monkeys Joke #5:
Your monkey plays chess?
He must be clever!
Not really, I usually beat him three times out of four!
......... ???!@#!$@#$!!!$%@!
Funny Monkeys Joke #6:
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said...
"I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking inward quickly.
"They were smoking marijuana too?" said the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" queried the officer.
The monkey motioned with his fingers...
“Having sex! They were having sex, too!?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes," nodded the monkey.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and having sex before they wrecked?"
"Yes," the Monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?" asked the Officer.
"Driving," motioned the monkey.
Funny Monkeys Joke #7:
Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree.
When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.
As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.
So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats.
Smiling to himself he says, "Aha! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick!”
So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree.
This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:
"HA! HA! DID YOU THINK ONLY HUMANS HAVE A GRANDPA!?"
Funny Monkeys Joke #8:
A monkey walks into a drugstore and orders a fifty-cent sundae. He puts down a ten-dollar bill to pay for it.
The clerk thinks, "What can a monkey know about money?"
So he hands back a single dollar in change and says, "You know, we don't get many monkeys in here."
"No wonder," answers the monkey, "At these prices you won't get many more."
A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family...
"Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.
All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked...
"Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the vet.
"The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!”
Funny Monkeys Joke #2:
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper...
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed to the customer, saying...
"That'll be $5,000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said...
"That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "Hey, that one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper...
"That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a project manager".
Funny Monkeys Joke #3:
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said...
"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Funny Monkeys Joke #4:
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved to by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar...
"Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Funny Monkeys Joke #5:
Your monkey plays chess?
He must be clever!
Not really, I usually beat him three times out of four!
......... ???!@#!$@#$!!!$%@!
Funny Monkeys Joke #6:
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said...
"I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking inward quickly.
"They were smoking marijuana too?" said the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" queried the officer.
The monkey motioned with his fingers...
“Having sex! They were having sex, too!?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes," nodded the monkey.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and having sex before they wrecked?"
"Yes," the Monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?" asked the Officer.
"Driving," motioned the monkey.
Funny Monkeys Joke #7:
Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree.
When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.
As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.
So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats.
Smiling to himself he says, "Aha! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick!”
So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree.
This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:
"HA! HA! DID YOU THINK ONLY HUMANS HAVE A GRANDPA!?"
Funny Monkeys Joke #8:
A monkey walks into a drugstore and orders a fifty-cent sundae. He puts down a ten-dollar bill to pay for it.
The clerk thinks, "What can a monkey know about money?"
So he hands back a single dollar in change and says, "You know, we don't get many monkeys in here."
"No wonder," answers the monkey, "At these prices you won't get many more."
SARDAR JOKES
Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye?
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to
tumhare liye.
*********************************************
Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
*********************************************
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA
*********************************************
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
*********************************************
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
*********************************************
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
*********************************************
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
*********************************************
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte
ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
*********************************************
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
*********************************************
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle'
is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa sing,
"Singh saab, how come you are celebrating?"..... comes the reply :
Its the first time that a sardar has died of "brain" tumour !!"
*********************************************
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy came and
asked the same Question. Sardar answered "No No Me Banta Singh." Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift
his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered
"Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai." (Translation
... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are relaxing here!!!!!)
*********************************************
So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking??
"Saala today again I will have to fall......"
*********************************************
Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to
tumhare liye.
*********************************************
Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga?
Doc: Haan, bilkul.
Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai.
*********************************************
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from
NASA to SATYANASA
*********************************************
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.
*********************************************
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
*********************************************
Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Jeeto: Why 3?
Santa: For you and your parents
*********************************************
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
*********************************************
Lady Doc: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte
ho?
Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am-11am
*********************************************
A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.
*********************************************
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle'
is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa sing,
"Singh saab, how come you are celebrating?"..... comes the reply :
Its the first time that a sardar has died of "brain" tumour !!"
*********************************************
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy came and
asked the same Question. Sardar answered "No No Me Banta Singh." Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift
his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered
"Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai." (Translation
... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are relaxing here!!!!!)
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So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking??
"Saala today again I will have to fall......"
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